Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
