i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
