can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
