You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize