Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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