i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
