Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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