Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
