Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
