I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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