THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize