I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
