Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
