how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
