Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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