I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
