as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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