he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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