u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
