The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
