I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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