The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
