We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
