Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
