I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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