life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
