just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Still dying that you shit outside
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
