If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
