when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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