I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
