The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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