i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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