nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
