So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
