Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
