: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
