my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
