It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize