What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
