I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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