He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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