Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pants are for mortals
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
