Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize