I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
