i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
