Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
