she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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