I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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