you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize