Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
