Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
