so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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