My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
