she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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