somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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