have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
