If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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