where am i from again
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I AM VODKA MAN
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
