But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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