I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
