I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
