After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
