too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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