Quick, to the slutcave!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
