i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
this hospital has no fireball
Im part way to drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
