You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
