she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I AM VODKA MAN
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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