i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
