This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
