im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
