Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
