Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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