i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
