its not stalking. its research.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
