after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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