you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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