this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
