Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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