Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
