that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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