I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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