Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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