Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
