Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize