hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
