He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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