My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are the jesus of drinking
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
