My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
