its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
