Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
