I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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