My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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