Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
