she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just want to make out with him forever
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
