what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
