i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize