this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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