pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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