I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
