yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
