Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
