i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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