ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
