Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
