I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
