i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
