So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
