A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
