Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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