You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
