just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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