i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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