I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
