I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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