You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
