Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
