remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
