my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
