last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
