No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
