Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
