Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
