Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
